Change's Gon Come

First off, let me just say that God is good, even when you don't want Him to be. This just has been weighing on my heart for a minute. I was talking to my friend the other day, ya know just catching up on what I've missed since we graduated. And she told me, very simply that all was well except that her cousin had been murdered in a gun fight. I couldn't believe that she felt comfortable enough to talk about such a topic so soon, so openly, and so calmly. Especially seeing as how we were talking via text message. I reacted emotionally. "Oh my God. Are you okay? Do they know who did it?" the whole nine. And she continued, they knew who did it because that's what happens in gang shootouts. She explained that the city she grew up in (I won't mention because some people will be mislead) is just like that sometimes. Violent. And the age we live in is a tough one, filled with hard truths and tough decisions. It was simply breathtaking to have a friend showing that glorious inner beauty that so many of our Black Women have had to muster for the continiuity of our race. People talk all this about how hard it is in these streets. But some of us have no idea. Some people are living in it every day. And they can't swallow those half-assed stories about how it's always sunny on their side of town. Some of us live on the South Side, where shit always gets real. I just wanted to weep for my friend because my brother is one of those kind of gangbangers like her cousin was. And I think, how many people have lost their lives to gang violence? How many innocent bystanders have been struck down by stray bullets in a war that wasn't theirs? How many families have been torn apart by the ill decisions of one of their relatives? It's a shame this is how I had to spend my Wednesday, but I think it should not go without being said. There has been much progress that we as African Americans and minorities have made. And there have been great strides taken to combat the violence that flood our streets everyday. But Lord have mercy, we still have a long ways to go.

For more on gang violence check this article out
http://www.chicagodefender.com/article-2842-the-year-in-review-2008-in-chicago.html

Choose Wisely

So, I just found out this Father's Day that I hate Greeting Cards. In fact, not even greeting cards, but all cards in general. The way that we have been forced every holiday to find a card that says "just the right thing." A good amount of hoaky. The small pinch of corniness. The right dash of cheer. And a little piece of you in there somewhere. And while Hallmark is probably doing their best, I think I'm giving up on them. I have decided that I am too much of an individual to keep trying to find a way for someone else's subject and verbs to agree with what my heart is feeling at the time. Granted there have been new developments as far as customization with cards that allow you to record voice messages in them, play songs, etc. But it's just not enough. I want a card that can take a picture of me and my Pops splice into a cool border or layout. Let me type my own words in. Choose a song to be played when it opens. And scan in my signature electronically. And mash it all together on glossy card stock that a main branch store near me could print and allow me to purchase. Till you can do that America's Greetings and Hallmark, Mahogany and generic brands alike I will be discriminating against you all. Oh shit, isn't 4th of July coming up? Who the hell gives cards for that? I'm just gonna sign an American Flag and give it to my dad and call it a day, because this whole picking a card thing is driving me up a wall.

The Rime of The Ancient Mariner

Soooooooo, I found this poem in a journal of sorts from a year ago. Idk if it's worth editing but it's at least got a few clever metaphors and carefully twisted cliches in it. Check it out.

Sometimes I close my eyes
and wish for your smile
because kisses from you feel like
forgotten childhood Christmas mornings

where all that I'm wanting
has aligned with what I see
like money hard earned
because of time well spent
no, I can't even cheapen
your worth like that

Sometimes I shut out the world
and spread my arms wide
smile ear to ear wide
dreaming of those dulce moments
when it's just me and you

Intimacy
That's into you I see
That's into me you see
in two eyes meet seas
Sea clouds that share a common storm on the horizon
one of judgmental callousness
and heartbreak and powerlessness
for not plundering the same booty
of ye o'er bucaneers

Like nibble marks on my ears
or the mermaid melody I make
you hear

We are entranced by
none of these scalawags
because we've got
a pirate's code somewhere
in between
the rings of falsified committment
Bermuda Triangles
worth reprising
because of all the hurt I'm running from

you know what it's like to be hiding

Missing You

Watching all the pictures of high school thru senior year of college scroll thru on my laptop I couldn't help but be a little saddened today. It's funny how something that seems so insignificant, i.e. being in college, can be such a short-lived moment. And even though you're surrounded by other friends and family of yours at home it's never really the same as when everyone was at school. When you could call up a friend at 10:30 in the morning and say "let's get drunk" and it's okay because we're skipping the same 12:30 class. It's cool to go out and have a night on the town. But there's still something special about being able to sit in the house getting high with your friends just talking about life or playing videogames, that makes this move into the next phase of life a little bittersweet for me. I know life is about "change" and "moving to the next step", but part of me just feels like my heart hasn't quite caught up to my brain who knows I have to let all of this go. As a result, I find myself crying (just a lil bit) because I know even if and when I hang out with some of my old favorites in our respective cities it's still going to be nothing like our Home By the Sea. Our Home, by the Sea.....mmmm. I really did think of it that way. Especially since my parents have moved a countless number of times since I graduated high school. This place isn't home. And no matter how much I suppress it, I know I left part of my heart in the 757. I only wish I could have held on to it a little while longer. I will treasure those friendships for a lifetime. And no, everyone didn't last the whole ride, but they all make up an experience that I am having the hardest time trying to push from my mind. I loved them. I just don't know what's left of me in this place, with such a huge chunk of me scattered in so many hearts across the US and the world right now. I'll just be still a while. Till it all comes back to me. *tears* We could never make thee a song.

Hold On To Your Thrown

So with everyone trying to decide what the Finals are going to look like, it seems glaringly obvious what ESPN and the American Market would like to see in the NBA Championship game but it’s not going to happen. With the current attention that surrounds the Chosen One it’s still easy to see how the league’s monster fares against the well-oiled machine that is the Orlando Magic. There hasn’t been a very tight game being played by the Cavaliers. Many of their fast breaks and screen setups have resulted in careless turnovers and sloppy layups that they can’t always get to fall. What’s going on Lebron? I know that you have the measurements of Zeus himself, but if that’s the case stop playing like a mere mortal waiting on pawns to meet your godlike stature. Let us look to the example of the Titan, Dwight Howard for how you should conduct yourself. Howard makes sure he gets the easy buckets, finishes what his teammates start, make all of your free throws sir, and please play at a pace that you set, not one that the other team tries to hold you to. Please, get the rebounds Lebron. There were a few times in third quarter where Superman sent defenders flying as he recovers the rebound. Where is that kind of intensity King James? Where is that kind of hunger that you displayed every time you have covered your face with the towel and man-wept. If you really have that dedication then follow the people you have watched play this game for all the time you have been in the NBA. Take the example of your fellow mutants in the way that they control their mutant blasts to power dunks, super reverse shots, well developed three-point shots, and stellar rebounds. You can do this. I know you can. Granted, I think you’re still too young to really understand what they say about you. According to everybody, you will one day be the Great Unstoppable One. But for today, like Samurai Jack, like Gohan, like Inuyasha, and Anakin Skywalker, you still have a ways to go and some time to wait before you come into the full wisdom of your greatness. Sorry King James, but it looks like your coronation might have to be postponed another year.

Up In the Bell Tower

So I keep trying to wrap my head around the idea that I will be gone in another three months to a land unfamilar to me, amongst a people I have never lived with. Furthermore, they have never seen a black man themselves. To say the least it will be interesting living in South Korea for this year. I'm not sure that I am ready for the culture shock of it all. However, some of my family members postulate that because I am such an oddity of an individual I will likely find that I love it over there because I will be Lord of the Flies, if you will. My cousin even went so far as to say I will likely marry a woman over there and never come back to the States except for holidays and special events. Now, I know that's not likely for several reasons but it was just interesting to see what they thought about the whole situation. Hmm. I'm not really sure what I would do in order to overcome social isolation amongst a people and culture that's not my own. It's likely though this whole scenario would force me to learn their culture sooner, because I don't do alone too well. I like to have people surrounding me, involved in something fun. In fact, that's what I am going to do. Everytime I feel alone there, I vow to go out and meet someone new. It'll give me a chance to work on my Hangal(Korean language) and my new comrade a chance to practice their English. I don't if it's a perfect plan, but at least it's one that will keep me from belting show tunes from the apartment roof in Seoul.

Each One Reach One

So I have found that it is not when I am surrounded by people celebrating the joy of this moment, but the times when I am alone in my apartment that the magnitude of Graduation settles upon me. Throughout my four years there has always been one professor who seemed to keep riding me and telling me that I am not doing as well as I should. I have had him for a teacher since Freshman year. He was the first person I talked to when I wanted to earn some "Letters,"if you know what I am saying. And he was the first person to tell me that I had been settling for mediocrity for far too long, by overstretching myself with my extracurriculars and giving my studies only 80% of my time. I resented him for it. Granted, he is my mentor and generally knows and wants what's best for me, I was not prepared for the harsh reality checks he delivered to me each time that I had a one-on-one with him. I remember crying in his office once when one insignificant dream came crashing down right before my eyes at his hand. I remember how angry I was when he asked, "Do you want me to treat you like all the rest of these people?" And I remember being so ready to tell him "yes" because sometimes it gets so hard to stand out. So hard to be an individual. And so damn hard to always do the right thing. But I know he's right. I thank him from the bottom of my heart for never giving up on me. Dr. Lloren A. Foster has been life coach, mentor, pastor, and father to me throughout a four year journey and now sitting here in this seat I only hope I know how to stand on all that he, along with my parents, and many other wonderful instructors have taught me over these four years to know I'm doing the right thing. *tears* The old African adage "each one teach one" holds true with this man. Now it's my duty to carry on the torch and fulfill the duty he has charged me with. I must take a deep breath and brace myself. Lord, help me on this way. I think I'm finally ready to take the plunge.

Dance With My Father - Luther Vandross