Flaws And All

I love a flawed individual. And someone loves my flawed self. I think often what is challenging is negotiating our grey space. Where me overlaps with him to reconcile into this thing called us. My stuff, his stuff, or our stuff. I saw this video online recently, where this guy described someone he was talking to. He was attracted to him and they were super compatible except for this “one thing.” He decided not to pursue a relationship or even casually dating this guy, because of “one thing.” This unnamed idiosyncrasy, whatever it was, was enough to stop this would-be lover from being his perfect man.

And it got me to thinking, what’s my “one thing” for people from my past? Knowing myself, my one thing might be a longer list than can be condensed into an all-encompassing quality. Whatever the case, one thing, one attribute, one feature, one annoyance, one flaw, meant that he was willing to give up on the possibility of something serious with this gentleman.

Introspection would tell us all that we’re all guilty of having some imperfection. The Bible teaches us that all have fallen short of the Glory of God at some point. I’m not saying you have to kiss every frog you meet to find your Nubian prince. But what is the threshold? Some of us are so afraid to accept someone else’s flaws because we have yet to make peace with our own shortcomings.

There was a Twitter thread I read recently where one user speculated that, “true love shouldn’t hurt.” On the surface we understand it. We shouldn’t force ourselves to tolerate unworthy people: liars, cheaters, abusers, and the like. But, what about all the normal people with normal problems? Problems with their jobs, their families, their finances, or their dreams. How much are you willing to work with the person you “love?” “Love shouldn’t hurt,” in that sense feels like an incomplete thought. Actually, love is excruciating some days. At times it can be exhausting, annoying, or deeply upsetting. However, it could also give you more joy than you knew you could ever feel. It can teach honesty when it’s not easy, kindness when you’re at your wit’s end, patience when you are tearing your hair out, and forgiveness when you have been hurt. It can teach us the meaning of unconditional where all of our “conditions” would ordinarily creep in.

The point is, love is not cut and dry. Love is hard. It’s work. Real work. Love is two imperfect people fighting to keep the fire alive between them. It is long nights and difficult conversations. It is a long look in the mirror before pointing a finger at anyone else. It won’t always be sunshine. Sometimes it will storm. But it takes the rain to grow the roses. It’s because of the clouds that we can appreciate the sun. You learn to love and accept each of your partner’s imperfections as they do the same for you. You have to know that their flaws are part of the package that makes them unique. Don’t miss out on a good thing because of "one thing,” because I promise you, it’s all worth it.