On the Cross

As we sat there standing on our tiptoes trying to see the new inductees of yet another nameless organization, some silent envious inkling crept in and ruled my heart as I found out that I was much more wide open than I thought. I couldn't believe that even when I told myself didn't care about this shit, I still did. I had said I would wait it out until grad school or alumnae chapter or anywhere but here and somehow I found myself, always on the waiting side of this equation. I feel sick.