Toca La Guitarra

They said it would cost more to fix it than to replace it and I knew it was a lost cause. I never really had a pet or an inanimate object that understood me so well growing up, but it really hard to explicate what I feel right now. Some kind vague mix between anger and sadness. And while I'm not entirely sure what it means for this to be broken, but the tears that cloud my eyes sitting next my mother tell me that seeing this part of me, this extension of myself gone fill me with an numb kind of sadness that reminds of so much life. It can't easily be replaced. There is something more to it than that Mother. I can't really just readily choose another part of me when the first extension of me was a gift. Hell, I didn't even always like the guy, but when I got this guitar it was awesome because it was one of the first real things that my dad got me as a spontaneous gift that I really liked. This guitar was like an extension of my voice. I didn't always have control over the sounds and notes that came out, but when I did it made my soul happy. I didn't care what it sounded like to anyone else, because when it was right for me, my soul rang out. I felt a connection to the instrument and while my skills at playing it increased I mastered my voice as well. With it gone, there is a part of my soul that feels silenced and it is a choking feeling that I shall not quickly get over. Maybe I'm being melodramatic. But it meant something to me. It already had a name when I got it and as I got to know it, I told it my secrets. It was a calm and receptive listener and in time we became friends interlocked in the same struggle together. Why has this happened? Tommy wasn't bothering anyone. He gave me peace in a way that I cannot even describe. He was my diary that instead of remaining hidden under my mattress was proudly shown for the world to see. And now, like so many other times, my life's story has been violated by extenuating circumstances and I cannot get it back for sake of the fact my family just doesn't understand. I have to find a new place to take solace. And it will be some before I confide in my family the issues, that my fallen confidante knows. Au revoir.