Ran Away To Join the Circus

So in all my searching for this whole Life's Purpose thing I continue to think and hope against all hopes that my calling will just fall into my lap and all my troubles will go away. However, that's not really the way Life works. And that's not the way this whole career after college thing seems to be happening. I would really like for it to, but so many days it's hard. And after losing my job at this non-profit where I was so privileged to have been teaching prekindergarten and after school I again question if I'm making the right decision. But I am relatively happy.

Sometimes my depression creeps up on me, but I find that a few tears and good prayers later I'm in a better place. Not the point though. The real issue I seem to be having is that there is no clear cut answer for figuring all the rest of this out. No guidebook. And I sort of feel like I'm just pulling straws until I can find something substantial. And the more I look around I find that these jewels that seemed to be everyone else's realities aren't as sparkly either. We are all in this transitional period that I only somewhat understand.

I mean, I am thankful for the Lord preserving me to this moment and keeping under the covering of His Divine Favor. But sometimes my mind is at a loss trying to piece together all the little inconsistencies in my life. I know I get to be beating a dead horse with this subject, but I sometimes just wish it was all so easy. I keep waiting on that CureAll to fall out the sky and fix all my problems.

Yet, I know it will never come. Employment doesn't work that. And Mr. Jesus doesn't wave magic wand to "Accio purpose" for a poor kid still wandering around the changing staircases of Hogwarts. I have to be brave. Brave enough to choose to be proactive instead of letting all this change rub me the wrong way. I have to swallow the pride and take some of the lumps that are gonna come with the choice to work for someone else. But that is the ultimate fate of being in the struggle. I just have to keep up the good fight. Take the good with the bad. And understand that though the bad may outnumber the good for a time it shall never outweigh it. ::breathes deeply:: Let's make moves.