Dear Professor,

Boy, I thought these things would be so different with this degree. Purpose would float down from its magical cloud of Wonder and Pure Joy to come keep me company in the apartment I am technically squatting. I believed that having a job would make me feel somewhat happy, but really I'm not looking to "work" I'm looking to build a career. And the two are vastly different.

The fact that my current guardian continues to speak to me about "jobs" at places like CostCo and Target as though they are a Once in a Lifetime Opportunity befuddles my spirit to no end. Nevertheless, I keep pressing on. I'm a student without an assignment. A teacher without a classroom. I'm a writer without a publishing deal. I'm a poet without an metaphor. And I have no idea why, but on the train seems to be a quiet solitude that I am not as often afforded when at the apartment, because being there makes me feel like I'm sitting in one spot in life. A strange conundrum that makes me feel like I can't breathe. Granted a hypochondriac reaction, it doesn't make it any less true. I can always feel the mild panic attack coming on.

I don't want to feel like I'm letting you down. Or wasting the education that you and your colleagues worked so hard to instill in me. I sometimes feel like giving up hope because there are such challenges that stand in between me and the Destiny I know God is saving for me. I am Princeton from Avenue Q, searching for a Purpose. Singing "What Do You Do With a BA in English?" til it hurts sometimes. If I had known this was on the other side of that stage at Graduation I might have taken the victory lap that seems popular among some of the dense members of the student body. Hmph. But I go to church alot. And I talk to God often. I remember when you assigned me to read one Proverb a day to help settle the excitable son that you had found in me.

How I wish I could go into your office now to complain in person. Damn I just wish I had listened to you when you said to go to grad school anyway. But that wasn't my dream. It was my eventual plan, but I had to chase after a Purpose that meant more than continuing my education just because I was out of lucid ideas. I fall on my knees at the altar twice, sometimes three times a week. I cast my cares on the Lord and then I remember that everything is going to be all right. You told me things will be interesting after I got this piece of paper that says I've accomplished something.

I remember that I carry all the lessons you taught me in and outside the classroom and I do my best to keep it together. I breathe deeply and pray for God to move me to the next step. Then the Holy Spirit settles within me. Comes to be the Comforter that He is. Thanks be unto you God. I know you won't leave me in this place long. He has always kept me in times of hardship. And if there's one lesson you always burned in my brain throughout our Dr. Cox-JD exchanges, it's that I can't get through this life without Divine Help. I can think straight again. ::exhales:: Okay, I'm calm now Professor. You're right, this thing is only temporary. The sooner I stop being a child throwing his temper tantrum the sooner I realize I'm just passing through.