Slow Motion

The easy way to say this would sound cliché but I guess I kind of have to for sake of argument. "I've never done this before." Well, at least not the right way. There've always been a lot of little and not-so little things to keep me distracted. Things there to keep me from giving my undivided attention to someone of your callibre. And well, I'm just saying I'm new to this. I'm a man. And the last time that I tried this was a farce. And the time before that I ran. And being just a humble man of 22 years I feel it's only right to tell you this. I'm unemployed. Not in the traditional way no.

No I haven't filed for it as it hasn't been that long. And no I'm not starving as that would imply I don't have a great family to support me through this prolonged transition to the next life. But this is the best way I know how to frame my argument right now. Granted, you already knew this and granted you're working your way towards being a doctor right now, I felt compelled to tell you this. I don't have a steady paycheck and I'm always working on waiting for something more substantial than a substitute teacher waiting on the Board of Ed to say word. I don't know why I'm telling you this but in this incubator I want to attempt to do this right. I've been getting it wrong for so long or running from the opportunity to find out how to get it right.

Hmph. Baby, I'm a man. And you're, amazing. I just don't want to mess up any image of the composed gentleman I know I try to come off ass. Truth is, I'm a mess. An unemployed mess who is trying to tell you I have ample to time to get to know. Limited distractions to allow me to ignore you. And a full heart ready to leap straight forward with this, but I won't. I've done that before. And what we're doing right now.....these extended glimpses into each other feel good. Not that you needed a timeline, or a quantifier to what you already know (because I know you're reading this) but for now I just wanted to fully put it out there in case there was any misconception. I like you. And for the first time, I would honestly like a chance to toss away my flawed ways of thinking and........learn French. If you know what I mean. I sure hope you do.

-MJ