I Dreamed A Dream

Sometimes I have out of body experiences. There's not many of them but when they come they're really intense. Most times it just ends up being me looking at myself and narrating like a voiceover a la "The Wonder Years." Blame it on too much tv. But sometimes it's all I can do to keep from being mad at the world. There are so many things that make me feel I was meant for more and while I have been in this move to the step I wonder how many people share my sentiments of feeling that they're "special."

Are we all self-indulged narcissists that fail to see the bigger picture? Or are we victims of a society that pushes us to be independent workers so long as we eventually choose to sell our souls in exchange for a small piece of the pie only a select few are rationing at the table of Life? It's hard to tell what thoughts are my own and which ones are those that have been implanted in me by the Mechanism, if you will, that sells the American Dream to us all. While on the surface the governing ideologies that fabricate these systems of altruistic hope, there is something in me that believes swallowing this romanticized propaganda is naive. Maybe even dangerous. Because in times such as these it helps to retain your optimism but approach situations with a realistic perspective.

Thus, I feel out of place, or I have my out-of-body experience. Where I see myself doing one thing out of optimism and preparing myself for the more realistic outcome that may follow. In the past 8 months I have applied to more programs that I "deserved" to get in and still got the courteously worded rejection letters. And I as I prepare to start my first day as a barista at Starbucks Coffee I wonder how am I like these other "aspiring authors" and "budding actors" that are both are customers and my coworkers. Part of me just feels like this apron and hat served up with a $1-million cappuccino formula is another ploy by the powers that be to keep us all distracted and ensnared in their rat race. I may be losing a lot of you right now, but I am simply saying that I want out of this cycle and one day it is my true hope that I can find a way to follow my dreams without selling their chastity down the river for the resources to pursue them.