I'm Sorry Were You Saying Something?

Men and women have this tendency to try to point figures at how relationships work or fail. And each time someone tries to elucidate the issue more they offer their side of the story in a sense. That said, here's my take on the age=old argument.

As a black man we learn many things that are not easily forgot. We learn rules about masculinity, toughness, emotionality, and sexuality. We are taught from a very early age to be how most of us end up, reserved. No, I don't like that word. Closeted. Yeah, that's a better fit. In life we're supposed to go out there with a big bad persona with our six figure salary and our body sculpted by The Almighty Himself and swoop in to "tame" the naive little lamb of a woman and make her our wives. In real-life that almost never happens. Man with his big bad persona and his limited wallet size make him closer to being a scrub than the baller shot caller, his ego would have him believe he is. He's a good dresser, but that's simply because he spends most of his meager wages on a pair of new kicks and some hot threads instead of saving up for a house. If he is even able to woo a woman into a date let alone a "relationship" they probably spend a good deal of time arguing about who wears the pants and how he continues to make her feel that she is entitled to her emotions. Many of us don't want your emotions, just your body. Both lustfully and psychologically. We want a partner that enables us to be as complacent in our circumstance as we are. And given the nature of many women they either settle for that arrangement because of the "inner light" they caught glimpses of. Or they end scene right then and there because they know that they deserve better. Problem is, when those women continue searching for their Nubian King, they find that he is short supply. While their previous experience taught them men exploit any emotional weakness they can find, they surmise that at least he's not like their homegirl's husband who's a high-powered attorney that hits her. And we struggle.

These are things that plague our community. Yes, many of them are prevalent in mainstream society, but black people know anything that is a 10 in the general public is a 100 in black society. As a man I find that I struggle with opening up. Either I'm always trying to hide something about some of my worst traits to tell her about something good I've done. Don't wanna scare her off now do I? Sometimes I struggle with lust issues because as a man it is very easy to look at a woman with only one intention in mind. Sometimes I have to deal pride issues because often times I date up and the woman is generally out of my league but she works with me because I have the potential to be where she is. I have issues with jealousy. I want to possess her in a large sense as the number one thing in her life and when I'm not I get anxious because in the construction of this patriarchal world, the woman should make me the nucleus of my being while I only make her a mitochondria in mine. (Note: For those of you less familiar with parts of the cell, mitochondria produce an organism's energy and helps it to grow.) Sorry, I talked to a woman who knew a lot about science. Anyway, that's generally how men and women were taught to love. 60/40, with the female doing the majority of the work. The reason why so many R&B singers because so famous is because they proposed in many of their songs to reverse the arrangement of how we as black people were socialized. "I give good love. I'll buy your clothes I'll cook your dinner too, soon as I get home from work.-Babyface" Many of them offer up explanations and apologies for the problems that we come to from Jump Street.

Personally, I think that women should approach a man with the assumption already in her head that he's crazy. That way she can focus on how best she can draw the poison out of his deep-tissued wounds or walk about on eggshells for the entirety of their relationship, understanding that if anyone is going to change a grow it's going to be her. Don't get me wrong, there are some good men out there, I suppose I'm in that category too. But black women are the stronger of this union. All the things that blacks have been through in this country, the Black Woman has the burden of enduring it alongside her father, her brother, her lover, or her husband. However, her pain was worse. She had to tolerate most of it silently. It is for this reason many of the women of color are damaged because they were made to be the mule of society for far too long. And the closer with to what they call "Progress" the greater strides the woman must make to raise strong males that can right the wrongs of their predecessors'. Then again, what do I know? I'm a dude.